Butler states, “I sought to understand some of the terror and anxiety that some people suffer in “becoming gay,” the fear of losing one’s place in gender or of not knowing who one will be if one sleeps with someone of the ostensibly “same” gender” (Butler 5). This quote and section of the reading very much stuck out to me, and made me think about how our language influences not only our attitudes towards LGBTQ+, but also our ideas of the community and their way of living. We constantly hear phrases such as, “went gay,” “rolls the other way,” and some other not-so-kind words aimed towards gay and lesbian individuals. Butler continues to discuss femme and butch lesbians and language in families: “When and why, for instance, do some butch lesbians who become parents become “dads” and others become ‘moms'”? (Butler 5). This brings up important discussions connecting sexuality, language, AND gender all at once. By identifying as a lesbian, choosing to dress more “feminine” or “masculine,” and how you appear to others will effect one’s language and gender simultaneously. We already have “lipstick lesbian” and “butch lesbian.” These phrases and ideas exist, but they rarely draw attention to the “bigger” picture of gender, sexuality, and language.
“Gender Trouble,” Language Attitudes, and Gayness
Square
I agree; heteronormativity is definitely embedded in the language we use to talk about LGBTQ+ individuals. “Goes the other way,” for example, implies a diversion from the norm of heterosexual partnership. And the tendency for lesbian parents to maintain “mom” and “dad” roles demonstrates how pressured individuals feel to uphold this norm, even those that have apparently diverged from it by engaging in a homosexual relationship.
I sometimes see people taking overly binary views, regarding the topic of “butch” and “femme” identities. By that, I mean, these particular labels/identities are not a perfect dichotomy; one where butch lesbians are assumed to be solely masculine (in dress, mannerisms, speech, etc), and femmes/”lipstick” lesbians are assumed to be a perfect example of traditional femininity. Like you said, these identifiers can sometimes distract from the bigger picture of sexuality and gender, which is far more diverse and complex than simply the ultra feminine femme, and the ultra masculine, stone butch. The reality is, that lesbians (and LGBT+ people, as a whole) are far more complex than a handful of narrow stereotypes. (Which are unfortunately attached by some to butch-femme identities, far too often.)